10:
20:
30:
40REM" PROGRAM BY RUSHDEN ROY
50REM" A 'L PLATE' PROGRAMMER!
60:
70:
80:
90:
100ON ERROR GOTO 1560
110CLS
120*FX210,0
130MODE7
140PROCroy
150PROCinst
160PROCphonedown
170PROCname
180PROCphoneup
190END
200DEFPROCinst
210*FX15,0
220VDU23,1,1;0;0;0;
230CLS
240PRINT"
pppppppp"
250PRINTTAB(0,2)CHR$(134)CHR$(141)"Wou
ld you please type your name."
260PRINTTAB(0,3)CHR$(134)CHR$(141)"Wou
ld you please type your name."
270PRINTTAB(0,5)CHR$(134)"Type MR,MRS
or MISS, then <RETURN>"
280PRINTTAB(0,7)CHR$(134)"Now your fir
st name "
290PRINTTAB(0,9)CHR$(134)"Now your sur
name "
300PRINTTAB(0,11)"
ppppppppppppppppp"
310INPUTTAB(0,6)" Title? .. "titlem$
320INPUTTAB(0,8)" First? ... "first$
330INPUTTAB(0,10)" Surname? .. "seco
nd$
340VDU23,1,0;0;0;0;
350PRINTTAB(0,12)CHR$(134)"Would you l
ike the sound on? Y or N"
360REPEAT:BB$=GET$:UNTILBB$="N"ORBB$="
n"ORBB$="Y"ORBB$="y":IFBB$="N"ORBB$="n"T
HEN*FX210,1
370PRINTTAB(0,13)CHR$(134)"If you have
made any mistakes would you l
ike to re-type it? Y or N"
380REPEAT:ss$=GET$:UNTILss$="N"ORss$="
n"ORss$="Y"ORss$="y":IFss$="Y"ORss$="y":
GOTO200
390PRINT"
pppppppp"
400PRINT'" THE PHONE IS RINGING "first
$
410PRINT'" I BET IT
'S FOR YOU"
420PRINT''TAB(7)CHR$129+CHR$157+CHR$13
1" PRESS SPACE BAR "CHR$156+CHR$13
430REPEAT:UNTILGET$=" "
440ENDPROC
450DEFPROCname
460CLS
470randname=RND(3)
480IFrandname=1THENPRINTTAB(1,2)CHR$(1
31)titlem$" "first$" "second$"....?"
490IFrandname=2THENPRINTTAB(1,2)CHR$(1
31)titlem$" "second$"....?"
500IFrandname=3THENPRINTTAB(1,2)CHR$(1
31)first$" "second$"....?"
510randother=RND(6)
520IFrandother=1THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$(
131)"HELLO...IS THAT"
530IFrandother=2THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$(
131)"WOULD THAT BE"
540IFrandother=4THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$(
131)"HELLO THERE...WOULD THAT BE"
550IFrandother=3THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$(
131)"HI! THERE... IS THAT"
560IFrandother=5THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$(
131)"ERR.."
570IFrandother=6THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$(
131)"IS THAT"
580RESTORE
590FORZ=1TORND(29):REM" IF YOU ADD EXT
RA DATA THEN INCREASE NUMBER
600READA$
610NEXTZ
620PRINTTAB(0,4)A$
630PROCphoneup
640REPEAT:UNTILGET$=" ":PROCphonedown
650ENDPROC
660:
670:
680END
690PRINT'''
700DEFPROCphonedown
710CLS
720PRINTTAB(20,2)"
730PRINTTAB(18,3)"
740PRINTTAB(18,4)"
750PRINTTAB(18,5)"
760PRINTTAB(18,6)"
770PRINTTAB(20,6)CHR$(134)first$"'S"
780PRINTTAB(35,6)"
790PRINTTAB(18,7)" Home
800PRINT" B Sweet
810PRINT" R B H
ome
820PRINT" U R ::::..
...
830PRINT" R U
///////& "
840PRINT" R R"
850PRINT" R"
860REMPRINT" R"
870PRINT"
880PRINT"
890PRINT"
900PRINT" 1:2:3
910PRINT" 4:5:6 <ESCAPE> wi
ll pull"
920PRINT" 7:8:9 the phone p
lug out!"
930PRINT" 0:#:*
940PRINT"
950PRINT"
960PRINT"
970PROCbooks
980PROCbrurr
990ENDPROC
1000DEFPROCbrurr
1010FORrings=1TO2
1020FORR=1TO4
1030SOUND1,-15,200,1
1040SOUND1,-15,180,1
1050NEXTR
1060SOUND1,-15,180,1
1070FORR=1TO4
1080SOUND1,-15,200,1
1090SOUND1,-15,180,1
1100NEXTR
1110SOUND1,0,0,30
1120TIME=0:NEXTrings:REPEAT
1130UNTILTIME=5
1140ENDPROC
1150DEFPROCphoneup
1160PRINTTAB(15,9)": :"
1170PRINT" :
:"
1180PRINT" : : :"
1190PRINT" <
SPACE> for"
1200PRINT" p
hone down."
1210PRINT"
1220PRINT"
1230PRINT"
1240PRINT" 1:2:3 <E
SCAPE>will"
1250PRINT" 4:5:6
pull the"
1260PRINT" 7:8:9 -
plug out!"
1270PRINT" 0:#:*
1280PRINT"
1290PRINT"
1300PRINT"
1310PROCbooks
1320REPEAT:UNTILGET$=" ":GOTO 160
1330ENDPROC
1340DEF PROCbooks
1350Y$=CHR$131+CHR$157+CHR$132+"YELLOW
PAGES -< "+CHR$156
1360PRINT TAB(17,22)Y$
1370P$=CHR$132+CHR$157+CHR$135+"The pho
ne book BT"+CHR$156
1380PRINTTAB(16,23)P$
1390ENDPROC
1400DEFPROCroy
1410PRINT''
1420VDU23,1,0;0;0;0;
1430PRINT" PROGRAM B
Y ££££££££"
1440PRINT"
k 7e757£k"
1450PRINT"
s550!5u0£5"
1460PRINT"
p5u7t5upp5"
1470PRINT'" For '8-Bit Software' 1 Oakw
ood Drive,"
1480PRINT" Heaton, BOLTON BL1 5E
E"
1490PRINT''CHR$(141)" A collection of q
uotes, one liners"
1500PRINTCHR$(141)" A collection of quo
tes, one liners"
1510PRINT'CHR$(141)" and Christmas
cracker jokes."
1520PRINTCHR$(141)" and Christmas c
racker jokes."
1530PRINT''TAB(8,20)CHR$129+CHR$157+CHR
$131" PRESS SPACE BAR "CHR$156+CHR$13
1540REPEAT:UNTIL GET$=" "
1550ENDPROC
1560IFERR=17THENCLS:PRINTTAB(3,2)" THE
PHONE PLUG HAS BEEN REMOVED"
1570PRINT'"
1580PRINT"
1590PRINT"
1600PRINT"
1610PRINT"
1620PRINT
1630PRINT"
1640PRINT"
1650PRINT"
ppppppp"
1660PRINT"
£££££££"
1670PRINTTAB(1,20)" PRESS ANY KEY TO
PUT IT BACK IN":G=GET:RUN
1680END
1690DATA This is your Genealogist...
With
the £500 you gave me to trace your fami
ly tree it is now complete. I think yo
u should now pay me another £500 to hus
h it up!
1700DATA Your accountant here...
do you
think that you can get your family to li
ve below their YERNINGS?
1710DATA This is your accountant.......
I'm still working on your books telling
your moneywhere to go.......instead of w
ondering where it went!
1720DATA Bloggs your bank manager speak
ing...The secret of financial success is
to spend what you have left after savin
g...... instead of saving what you hav
e left after spending.
1730DATA This is your accountant......
I
find that a successful person is one wh
o can earn more than their family can sp
end!
1740DATA This is your bank manager....
I
t used to be that a fool and his money w
ere soon parted..But now it happens to
everybody.
1750DATA This is your insurance adviser
...
Get themost out of your life insuranc
e policy.. DROP DEAD!
1760DATA This is your local tax office.
.... Just to let you know that we h
ave what it takes... to take what you'v
e got!!
1770DATA Your local tax office here....
..
Wouldyou please come to the tax off
ice... We would like you to meet who you
work for!
1780DATA This is Roy Dickens ....
I wrot
e this program. If you can alter prog
rams then add or change the DATA if you
wish but please keep it clean!
1790DATA Bank manager here....
It looks
as though your money doesn't talk any mo
re.It goeswithout saying!
1800DATA Postmaster here.....
your enq
uiry aboutyour envelopes that have on th
em 'DATA DISCS DO NOT BEND'. The
postmen said they do!
1810DATA The Salvation Army speaking...
about yourrequest......Yes we do save fa
llen souls....but no we can't save one f
or you for Saturday night!
1820DATA This is Mr Shrinc the psychiat
rist..... Reference your request about
helping you with your memory lapses. I
will be able to help you but you had b
etter pay in advance.
1830DATA This is Won Ung Lo .....
about a tab
le bookingSo sorry only do take away we
not like if people die on premises.
1840DATA Its your next door neighbour!!
...
Can you turn your radio down? I though
t it was mine until I went to turn it o
ff!!
1850DATA Your tax office here.....
We ha
ve tried to make the tax form more simp
le....justtwo sections. One:-How much do
you earn?Two:- Send it!!
1860DATA Good news..we are taking a thi
rd off ournormal fifty percent off price
s with a Xmas ten percent discount and
especiallyfor you another twenty percent
off wouldyou like double glazing??? Ple
easssse!
1870DATA Electric appliance repair cent
re here...I am sorry about the tragic de
ath of your budgie but I'm pleased to
let you know that we will be able to r
epair yourvacuum cleaner.
1880DATA This is paddy and not very hap
py.... about those water skis you sol
d me. I can't find any lakes with slop
es!
1890DATA This is Twup and Wodarn estate
agents...Your enquiry about a house it
looks as though we have two types of ho
use...the ones you don't want and the on
es you can't afford!
1900DATA Your bank manager speaking....
Your money certainly talks...It's said G
oodbye!!
1910DATA Local council here....Sorry ab
out the mistake in your bills. It's th
e computeryou know. Just think only ten
years ago it would have taken twenty off
ice staff two years to make that mistake
!!
1920DATA Limprist Hairstyles darling...
You asked if I could make your hair look
good... Dearyme I have a comb not a ma
gic wand but as I need your head for my
business pop in and I'll do it while yo
u wait!
1930DATA Ah! Good it is you .....now I'
ve some thing to tell you..I never rep
eat gossip...so listen carefully the fir
st time...
1940DATA It's your wise old uncle....Do
nt forget enjoy yourself NOW because the
se are thegoodol'days you are going to m
iss later.Its true because I know more a
bout beingyoung than you do about being
old!
1950DATA It's Mr Noital..Even people wh
o say theynever make mistakes buy pencil
s with rubbers on.To err is only huma
n but whenyou wear out the rubber before
you've used up the pencil you're over
doing it
1960DATA Schmellie Shoe Shops here....Y
ou asked about some jogging shoes that
are good value. We have some that are g
uaranteed to give you a good run for you
r money.
1970DATA Hear..did you know?....That co
mputer operator has just married his
assistant.They are now hoping to multipl
y the old fashion way!!
1980REM" DATA PUT YOUR WITTICISMS HERE
1990REM" DATA AND HERE(check line 590)
2000REM" DATA (about five lines)