8-Bit Software Online Conversion

Christmas Cracker - Listing

10: 20: 30: 40REM" PROGRAM BY RUSHDEN ROY 50REM" A 'L PLATE' PROGRAMMER! 60: 70: 80: 90: 100ON ERROR GOTO 1560 110CLS 120*FX210,0 130MODE7 140PROCroy 150PROCinst 160PROCphonedown 170PROCname 180PROCphoneup 190END 200DEFPROCinst 210*FX15,0 220VDU23,1,1;0;0;0; 230CLS 240PRINT"  pppppppp" 250PRINTTAB(0,2)CHR$(134)CHR$(141)"Wou ld you please type your name." 260PRINTTAB(0,3)CHR$(134)CHR$(141)"Wou ld you please type your name." 270PRINTTAB(0,5)CHR$(134)"Type MR,MRS or MISS, then <RETURN>" 280PRINTTAB(0,7)CHR$(134)"Now your fir st name " 290PRINTTAB(0,9)CHR$(134)"Now your sur name " 300PRINTTAB(0,11)"  ppppppppppppppppp" 310INPUTTAB(0,6)" Title? .. "titlem$ 320INPUTTAB(0,8)" First? ... "first$ 330INPUTTAB(0,10)" Surname? .. "seco nd$ 340VDU23,1,0;0;0;0; 350PRINTTAB(0,12)CHR$(134)"Would you l ike the sound on? Y or N" 360REPEAT:BB$=GET$:UNTILBB$="N"ORBB$=" n"ORBB$="Y"ORBB$="y":IFBB$="N"ORBB$="n"T HEN*FX210,1 370PRINTTAB(0,13)CHR$(134)"If you have made any mistakes would you l ike to re-type it? Y or N" 380REPEAT:ss$=GET$:UNTILss$="N"ORss$=" n"ORss$="Y"ORss$="y":IFss$="Y"ORss$="y": GOTO200 390PRINT"  pppppppp" 400PRINT'" THE PHONE IS RINGING "first $ 410PRINT'" I BET IT 'S FOR YOU" 420PRINT''TAB(7)CHR$129+CHR$157+CHR$13 1" PRESS SPACE BAR "CHR$156+CHR$13 430REPEAT:UNTILGET$=" " 440ENDPROC 450DEFPROCname 460CLS 470randname=RND(3) 480IFrandname=1THENPRINTTAB(1,2)CHR$(1 31)titlem$" "first$" "second$"....?" 490IFrandname=2THENPRINTTAB(1,2)CHR$(1 31)titlem$" "second$"....?" 500IFrandname=3THENPRINTTAB(1,2)CHR$(1 31)first$" "second$"....?" 510randother=RND(6) 520IFrandother=1THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$( 131)"HELLO...IS THAT" 530IFrandother=2THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$( 131)"WOULD THAT BE" 540IFrandother=4THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$( 131)"HELLO THERE...WOULD THAT BE" 550IFrandother=3THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$( 131)"HI! THERE... IS THAT" 560IFrandother=5THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$( 131)"ERR.." 570IFrandother=6THENPRINTTAB(1,1)CHR$( 131)"IS THAT" 580RESTORE 590FORZ=1TORND(29):REM" IF YOU ADD EXT RA DATA THEN INCREASE NUMBER 600READA$ 610NEXTZ 620PRINTTAB(0,4)A$ 630PROCphoneup 640REPEAT:UNTILGET$=" ":PROCphonedown 650ENDPROC 660: 670: 680END 690PRINT''' 700DEFPROCphonedown 710CLS 720PRINTTAB(20,2)"   730PRINTTAB(18,3)"   740PRINTTAB(18,4)"  750PRINTTAB(18,5)"   760PRINTTAB(18,6)"  770PRINTTAB(20,6)CHR$(134)first$"'S" 780PRINTTAB(35,6)"   790PRINTTAB(18,7)" Home   800PRINT" B Sweet    810PRINT" R B  H ome   820PRINT" U R  ::::.. ...   830PRINT" R U  ///////& " 840PRINT" R R" 850PRINT" R" 860REMPRINT" R" 870PRINT"   880PRINT"   890PRINT"  900PRINT"  1:2:3   910PRINT"  4:5:6   <ESCAPE> wi ll pull" 920PRINT"  7:8:9   the phone p lug out!" 930PRINT"  0:#:*   940PRINT"   950PRINT"   960PRINT"    970PROCbooks 980PROCbrurr 990ENDPROC 1000DEFPROCbrurr 1010FORrings=1TO2 1020FORR=1TO4 1030SOUND1,-15,200,1 1040SOUND1,-15,180,1 1050NEXTR 1060SOUND1,-15,180,1 1070FORR=1TO4 1080SOUND1,-15,200,1 1090SOUND1,-15,180,1 1100NEXTR 1110SOUND1,0,0,30 1120TIME=0:NEXTrings:REPEAT 1130UNTILTIME=5 1140ENDPROC 1150DEFPROCphoneup 1160PRINTTAB(15,9)": :" 1170PRINT" :  :" 1180PRINT" : : :" 1190PRINT"  < SPACE> for" 1200PRINT"  p hone down." 1210PRINT"   1220PRINT"     1230PRINT"    1240PRINT"  1:2:3   <E SCAPE>will" 1250PRINT"  4:5:6   pull the" 1260PRINT"  7:8:9   - plug out!" 1270PRINT"  0:#:*     1280PRINT"   1290PRINT"  1300PRINT"    1310PROCbooks 1320REPEAT:UNTILGET$=" ":GOTO 160 1330ENDPROC 1340DEF PROCbooks 1350Y$=CHR$131+CHR$157+CHR$132+"YELLOW PAGES -< "+CHR$156 1360PRINT TAB(17,22)Y$ 1370P$=CHR$132+CHR$157+CHR$135+"The pho ne book BT"+CHR$156 1380PRINTTAB(16,23)P$ 1390ENDPROC 1400DEFPROCroy 1410PRINT'' 1420VDU23,1,0;0;0;0; 1430PRINT"   PROGRAM B Y ££££££££" 1440PRINT"     k 7e757£k" 1450PRINT"     s550!5u0£5" 1460PRINT"   p5u7t5upp5" 1470PRINT'" For '8-Bit Software' 1 Oakw ood Drive," 1480PRINT" Heaton, BOLTON BL1 5E E" 1490PRINT''CHR$(141)" A collection of q uotes, one liners" 1500PRINTCHR$(141)" A collection of quo tes, one liners" 1510PRINT'CHR$(141)" and Christmas cracker jokes." 1520PRINTCHR$(141)" and Christmas c racker jokes." 1530PRINT''TAB(8,20)CHR$129+CHR$157+CHR $131" PRESS SPACE BAR "CHR$156+CHR$13 1540REPEAT:UNTIL GET$=" " 1550ENDPROC 1560IFERR=17THENCLS:PRINTTAB(3,2)" THE PHONE PLUG HAS BEEN REMOVED" 1570PRINT'"   1580PRINT"  1590PRINT"    1600PRINT"  1610PRINT"  1620PRINT 1630PRINT"   1640PRINT"   1650PRINT"  ppppppp" 1660PRINT"  £££££££" 1670PRINTTAB(1,20)" PRESS ANY KEY TO PUT IT BACK IN":G=GET:RUN 1680END 1690DATA This is your Genealogist... With the £500 you gave me to trace your fami ly tree it is now complete. I think yo u should now pay me another £500 to hus h it up! 1700DATA Your accountant here... do you think that you can get your family to li ve below their YERNINGS? 1710DATA This is your accountant....... I'm still working on your books telling your moneywhere to go.......instead of w ondering where it went! 1720DATA Bloggs your bank manager speak ing...The secret of financial success is to spend what you have left after savin g...... instead of saving what you hav e left after spending. 1730DATA This is your accountant...... I find that a successful person is one wh o can earn more than their family can sp end! 1740DATA This is your bank manager.... I t used to be that a fool and his money w ere soon parted..But now it happens to everybody. 1750DATA This is your insurance adviser ... Get themost out of your life insuranc e policy.. DROP DEAD! 1760DATA This is your local tax office. .... Just to let you know that we h ave what it takes... to take what you'v e got!! 1770DATA Your local tax office here.... .. Wouldyou please come to the tax off ice... We would like you to meet who you work for! 1780DATA This is Roy Dickens .... I wrot e this program. If you can alter prog rams then add or change the DATA if you wish but please keep it clean! 1790DATA Bank manager here.... It looks as though your money doesn't talk any mo re.It goeswithout saying! 1800DATA Postmaster here..... your enq uiry aboutyour envelopes that have on th em 'DATA DISCS DO NOT BEND'. The postmen said they do! 1810DATA The Salvation Army speaking... about yourrequest......Yes we do save fa llen souls....but no we can't save one f or you for Saturday night! 1820DATA This is Mr Shrinc the psychiat rist..... Reference your request about helping you with your memory lapses. I will be able to help you but you had b etter pay in advance. 1830DATA This is Won Ung Lo ..... about a tab le bookingSo sorry only do take away we not like if people die on premises. 1840DATA Its your next door neighbour!! ... Can you turn your radio down? I though t it was mine until I went to turn it o ff!! 1850DATA Your tax office here..... We ha ve tried to make the tax form more simp le....justtwo sections. One:-How much do you earn?Two:- Send it!! 1860DATA Good news..we are taking a thi rd off ournormal fifty percent off price s with a Xmas ten percent discount and especiallyfor you another twenty percent off wouldyou like double glazing??? Ple easssse! 1870DATA Electric appliance repair cent re here...I am sorry about the tragic de ath of your budgie but I'm pleased to let you know that we will be able to r epair yourvacuum cleaner. 1880DATA This is paddy and not very hap py.... about those water skis you sol d me. I can't find any lakes with slop es! 1890DATA This is Twup and Wodarn estate agents...Your enquiry about a house it looks as though we have two types of ho use...the ones you don't want and the on es you can't afford! 1900DATA Your bank manager speaking.... Your money certainly talks...It's said G oodbye!! 1910DATA Local council here....Sorry ab out the mistake in your bills. It's th e computeryou know. Just think only ten years ago it would have taken twenty off ice staff two years to make that mistake !! 1920DATA Limprist Hairstyles darling... You asked if I could make your hair look good... Dearyme I have a comb not a ma gic wand but as I need your head for my business pop in and I'll do it while yo u wait! 1930DATA Ah! Good it is you .....now I' ve some thing to tell you..I never rep eat gossip...so listen carefully the fir st time... 1940DATA It's your wise old uncle....Do nt forget enjoy yourself NOW because the se are thegoodol'days you are going to m iss later.Its true because I know more a bout beingyoung than you do about being old! 1950DATA It's Mr Noital..Even people wh o say theynever make mistakes buy pencil s with rubbers on.To err is only huma n but whenyou wear out the rubber before you've used up the pencil you're over doing it 1960DATA Schmellie Shoe Shops here....Y ou asked about some jogging shoes that are good value. We have some that are g uaranteed to give you a good run for you r money. 1970DATA Hear..did you know?....That co mputer operator has just married his assistant.They are now hoping to multipl y the old fashion way!! 1980REM" DATA PUT YOUR WITTICISMS HERE 1990REM" DATA AND HERE(check line 590) 2000REM" DATA (about five lines)