10REM *****************************
20REM WOMEN : a guide to their
30REM composition and handling
40REM Author Unknown
50REM Sent in by K3B Paul Matthews
60REM With apologies to the unknown
70REM Author if this is Copyrighted
80REM *****************************
90:
100MODE7
110VDU23,1,0;0;0;0;
120PROCtitle
130A$=GET$:IF A$="Y" OR A$="y" THEN PR
OCprintout ELSE CLS:FORI%=10TO11:PRINTTA
B(0,I%)CHR$141" CAN YOU READ 80 COLUMN T
EXT? Y/N":NEXT:A$=GET$:IFA$="Y"ORA$="y"T
HENMODE3:VDU14:VDU19,2,0,0,0,0,19,0,1,0,
0,0,:PROCtext ELSE CLS:VDU14:PROCtext
140END
150:
160DEFPROCtitle
170FORI%=5TO6:PRINTTAB(14,I%)CHR$129CH
R$136CHR$141"WOMAN":NEXT
180FORI%=10TO11:PRINTTAB(5,I%)CHR$133C
HR$141"a guide to her composition":NEXT
190FORI%=13TO14:PRINTTAB(10,I%)CHR$133
CHR$141"and her handling.":NEXT
200FORI%=16TO17:PRINTTAB(11,I%)CHR$134
CHR$141"Author Unknown":NEXT
210FORA=1TO5000:NEXT:CLS
220FORI%=5TO6:PRINTTAB(2,I%)CHR$134CHR
$141"DO YOU WANT A PRINTED COPY? Y/N":
NEXT
230ENDPROC
240A$=GET$:IF A$="Y" OR A$="y" THEN PR
OCprintout ELSE VDU22,3:VDU23,1,0;0;0;0
;:VDU14:VDU19,2,0,0,0,0,19,0,1,0,0,0,:PR
OCtext
250:
260DEFPROCprintout
270CLS
280FORI%=5TO6:PRINTTAB(7,I%)CHR$133CHR
$141"SWITCH ON YOUR PRINTER":NEXT:FORA=1
TO3000:NEXT
290FORI%=8TO9:PRINTTAB(11,I%)CHR$133CH
R$141"LOAD YOUR PAPER":NEXT:FORA=1TO3000
:NEXT
300FORI%=11TO12:PRINTTAB(3,I%)CHR$133C
HR$141"THEN PRESS THE SPACE BAR TO PRINT
":NEXT:FORA=1TO3000:NEXT
310REPEATUNTILGET=32
320VDU2
330VDU21
340PROCtext
350VDU6
360CLS:FORI%=8TO9:PRINTTAB(11,I%)CHR$1
33CHR$141"PRINTOUT IN PROGRESS":NEXT
370VDU3
380ENDPROC
390:
400DEFPROCtext
410VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"HAZARDOUS MATERI
ALS INFORMATION BULLETIN"'
420VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT" MATERIAL S
AFETY DATA SHEET"'
430VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT" 'WOMAN' - A
CHEMICAL ANALYSIS"'
440VDU1,27,1,87,1,0
450PRINT"Element: Woman"
460PRINT"Symbol: Wo"
470PRINT"Discoverer: Adam"
480PRINT"Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53.
6kg but variable from 40kg to 200kg"
490PRINT"Occurrence: Copious quantit
ies in all urban areas"''
500VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"PHYSICAL PROPERT
IES:"'
510PRINT"1. Surface usually covered w
ith painted film."
520PRINT"2. Boils at nothing, freezes
without any known reason."
530PRINT"3. Melts if given special tr
eatment."
540PRINT"4. Bitter if incorrectly use
d."
550PRINT"5. Found in various states f
rom Virgin metal to Common ore."
560PRINT"6. Yields to pressure applie
d to correct places."''
570VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"CHEMICAL PROPERT
IES:"'
580PRINT"1. Has a great affinity for
gold, silver, and a range of precious st
ones."
590PRINT"2. Absorbs great quantities
of expensive substances."
600PRINT"3. May explode spontaneously
without prior warning and for no known
reason."
610PRINT"4. Insoluble in liquids, but
activity increased by saturation in alc
ohol."
620PRINT"5. Most powerful money reduc
ing agent known to man."''
630VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"COMMON USES:"'
640PRINT"1. Highly ornamental, especi
aly in a sports car."
650PRINT"2. Can be a great aid to rel
axation."
660PRINT"3. Very effective cleaning a
gent."''
670VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"TESTS:"'
680PRINT"1. Pure specimens turn a ros
y pink when discovered in the natural st
ate."
690PRINT"2. Turns green when placed b
eside a better specimen."''
700VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"POTENTIAL HAZARD
S:"'
710PRINT"1. Highly dangerous except i
n experienced hands."
720PRINT"2. Illegal to possess more t
han one, although several can be maintai
ned at":PRINT" different locations as
long as specimens do not come into dire
ct contact":PRINT" with each other."'
''
730ENDPROC
740:" THATS ALL FOLKS!!! "