8-Bit Software Online Conversion

Humour. Woman - Listing

10REM ***************************** 20REM WOMEN : a guide to their 30REM composition and handling 40REM Author Unknown 50REM Sent in by K3B Paul Matthews 60REM With apologies to the unknown 70REM Author if this is Copyrighted 80REM ***************************** 90: 100MODE7 110VDU23,1,0;0;0;0; 120PROCtitle 130A$=GET$:IF A$="Y" OR A$="y" THEN PR OCprintout ELSE CLS:FORI%=10TO11:PRINTTA B(0,I%)CHR$141" CAN YOU READ 80 COLUMN T EXT? Y/N":NEXT:A$=GET$:IFA$="Y"ORA$="y"T HENMODE3:VDU14:VDU19,2,0,0,0,0,19,0,1,0, 0,0,:PROCtext ELSE CLS:VDU14:PROCtext 140END 150: 160DEFPROCtitle 170FORI%=5TO6:PRINTTAB(14,I%)CHR$129CH R$136CHR$141"WOMAN":NEXT 180FORI%=10TO11:PRINTTAB(5,I%)CHR$133C HR$141"a guide to her composition":NEXT 190FORI%=13TO14:PRINTTAB(10,I%)CHR$133 CHR$141"and her handling.":NEXT 200FORI%=16TO17:PRINTTAB(11,I%)CHR$134 CHR$141"Author Unknown":NEXT 210FORA=1TO5000:NEXT:CLS 220FORI%=5TO6:PRINTTAB(2,I%)CHR$134CHR $141"DO YOU WANT A PRINTED COPY? Y/N": NEXT 230ENDPROC 240A$=GET$:IF A$="Y" OR A$="y" THEN PR OCprintout ELSE VDU22,3:VDU23,1,0;0;0;0 ;:VDU14:VDU19,2,0,0,0,0,19,0,1,0,0,0,:PR OCtext 250: 260DEFPROCprintout 270CLS 280FORI%=5TO6:PRINTTAB(7,I%)CHR$133CHR $141"SWITCH ON YOUR PRINTER":NEXT:FORA=1 TO3000:NEXT 290FORI%=8TO9:PRINTTAB(11,I%)CHR$133CH R$141"LOAD YOUR PAPER":NEXT:FORA=1TO3000 :NEXT 300FORI%=11TO12:PRINTTAB(3,I%)CHR$133C HR$141"THEN PRESS THE SPACE BAR TO PRINT ":NEXT:FORA=1TO3000:NEXT 310REPEATUNTILGET=32 320VDU2 330VDU21 340PROCtext 350VDU6 360CLS:FORI%=8TO9:PRINTTAB(11,I%)CHR$1 33CHR$141"PRINTOUT IN PROGRESS":NEXT 370VDU3 380ENDPROC 390: 400DEFPROCtext 410VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"HAZARDOUS MATERI ALS INFORMATION BULLETIN"' 420VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT" MATERIAL S AFETY DATA SHEET"' 430VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT" 'WOMAN' - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS"' 440VDU1,27,1,87,1,0 450PRINT"Element: Woman" 460PRINT"Symbol: Wo" 470PRINT"Discoverer: Adam" 480PRINT"Atomic Mass: Accepted as 53. 6kg but variable from 40kg to 200kg" 490PRINT"Occurrence: Copious quantit ies in all urban areas"'' 500VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"PHYSICAL PROPERT IES:"' 510PRINT"1. Surface usually covered w ith painted film." 520PRINT"2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason." 530PRINT"3. Melts if given special tr eatment." 540PRINT"4. Bitter if incorrectly use d." 550PRINT"5. Found in various states f rom Virgin metal to Common ore." 560PRINT"6. Yields to pressure applie d to correct places."'' 570VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"CHEMICAL PROPERT IES:"' 580PRINT"1. Has a great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious st ones." 590PRINT"2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances." 600PRINT"3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason." 610PRINT"4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increased by saturation in alc ohol." 620PRINT"5. Most powerful money reduc ing agent known to man."'' 630VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"COMMON USES:"' 640PRINT"1. Highly ornamental, especi aly in a sports car." 650PRINT"2. Can be a great aid to rel axation." 660PRINT"3. Very effective cleaning a gent."'' 670VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"TESTS:"' 680PRINT"1. Pure specimens turn a ros y pink when discovered in the natural st ate." 690PRINT"2. Turns green when placed b eside a better specimen."'' 700VDU1,27,1,14:PRINT"POTENTIAL HAZARD S:"' 710PRINT"1. Highly dangerous except i n experienced hands." 720PRINT"2. Illegal to possess more t han one, although several can be maintai ned at":PRINT" different locations as long as specimens do not come into dire ct contact":PRINT" with each other."' '' 730ENDPROC 740:" THATS ALL FOLKS!!! "