To: K3B & 999
From: K7C
I am the computer widow of Alan(K7C)
but had to submit a reply to Paul's
'chemical analysis of a woman' entry. I
found it very amusing, but felt it
necessary to return what I think is an
equally amusing analysis of man. I
spent a few hours pondering the idea
and felt dog-training was the closest
comparison to living with a man. Hope
you like it!
IS YOUR MAN MONGREL PEDIGREE ? Owners guide to check your hound has
reached his full potential
Rules for training
1. Ensure Dog is attentive during all
training sessions.
2. Remember to speak slowly and
clearly.
3. Repeat instructions several times to
ensure all the information has been
absorbed.
4. Do not expect obvious results
overnight - allow at least 3 months for
a change in the pattern of behaviour.
(For some unexplained reason it appears
that the simpler the task, the harder
it is for Dog to comprehend what is
expected of him.)
5. Some pups may have received
inadequate toilet-training early in
life and may require gentle guidance in
areas such as lowering the seat and
more consideration to directional aim
(eyesight test may be required).
Training in this area should be
restricted to verbal reasoning as full
demonstration is not possible.
6. The area of complete house-training
is complex and will necessitate a
dogmatic approach (no pun intended!).
Take each task separately and ensure
complete obedience before moving on to
the next. Please note praise is
required continually if success is to
be acheived.
7. As the owner of a dog you must
ensure total control at all times.
Once these rules are well established
in your household you may move into
other areas of training suited to your
own individual requirements.
If training proves difficult these
positive reasons for keeping a dog may
lift your spirits :-
a) He should respond lovingly to
affection, particularly if well fed.
NB. Verbal affection will do but
physical expression is especially noted
to produce obedient behaviour.
b) At completion of training he will be
a friendly, reliable creature.
Mating
During mating season, which on average
occurs 2-3 times a week(?), Dog will
nuzzle up to you at most inconvenient
times such as whilst cooking,
washing-up or indeed during your
favourite T.V. programme. If intimate
contact is appreciated please be aware
that once copulation is complete Dog is
likely to roll over and play dead for a
minimum of two hours.
If at present you do not have the
pleasure of owning a dog but are
considering it for the future, here
follows some vital guidance:
1) Removal from mother before he's
ready guarantees future problems.
2) Be wary of dogs with thinning fur -
could be due to fleas, nervous
disposition, ageing, or if notably
absent from the rear it could be due to
worms. If this is so contact a vet who
will give advice on tablets, diet, and
any further treatment required.
Remember ENJOY YOUR DOG he has
potential as a loving companion.