To: 999 (all members)
From: ANON E MOUSE
Subject: POEM
ARE YOU BEING SERVED?
WHATEVER HAS HAPPENED TO SERVICE?
I FOUND MYSELF SAYING ALOUD
AS I PULLED IN FOR SOME PETROL AND
AWAY FROM THE MAD RUSHING CROWD
I REMEMBER AT FIVE BOB A GALLON
AN ATTENDANT WOULD FILL UP MY TANK
HE'D ASK HOW'S THE OIL AND THE WATER?
AS HE GAVE THE BONNET A YANK
HE'D OPEN THE CAP AND PULL OUT THE
STICK
WHICH HE WIPED WITH A RAG FROM THE
SHELF
FOR THIS WAS ALL PART OF THE SERVICE
BUT NOW YOU MUST DO IT YOURSELF
THEN CAME THE NEW SERVICE STATIONS
WITH CHEAP FUEL AND ATTENDANTS AS WELL
THERE WAS JET AGIP AND HERON
MY WORD WE WERE DOING WELL.
OUT CAME THE ATTENDANT TO SERVE YOU
DO THE FLUIDS CLEAN THE MIRROR AND
SCREEN
AND CHAT ABOUT SPORT OR THE TELLY
THIS REALLY WAS SERVICE SUPREME
THEN SUDDENLY THIS SERVICE WAS ENDED
THE ATTENDANT WAS NO LONGER THERE
IF YOU WANTED PETROL YOU SERVED IT
YOU EVEN GET CHARGED NOW FOR AIR
SO NOW WHEN YOU PULL ON THE FORECOURT
THINK BACK TO WHAT WE HAVE LOST
THERE IS NO MORE "SERVICE" IN STATIONS
AND THAT'S BEEN A TERRIBLE COST
AND NOW IT'S NOT JUST SELF SERVE
PETROL
WE'VE HYPER AND SUPER MARKETS TOO
O, WHY CANT WE GET BACK SOME SERVICE
AND NOT JUST A CHECK OUT AND QUEUE.
To: 999 (all members)
From: D2N (VIC HORGAN)
Subject: GENERAL MESSAGES.THANKS.
Call off the dogs!
My moaning and pleading over several
issues has paid off.
Thanks to the generosity of Frank
Jones -K26- who sent me no fewer than 3
varied discs of Colossus 4 Chess and
Brian Raw -K6N- who sent me a replica
of the Colossus 4 Chess package which
I had corrupted, I am set up for life
with my favourite chess program.They
should outlast me!
The help and friendly response of
the 8-Bit Group has been heartwarming
and I must again ( and for the last
time I assure you ) congratulate Chris
and his friends on the great job they
have done in building this up.
To all members I wish a contented
and bug-free 1996.
To: 999 (all members)
From: D5J (Barry Thorogood)
Subject: Thanks for Help Given
I wish to thank all members who have
given me some help over the last few
weeks of last year.
I have successfully installed a
'Tandy' colour monitor to my Beeb.
The problem that I had was that the
cable connection came with a 9 pin 'D'
plug and of course the Beeb has a 6
pin 'Din'plug.
I think it was John Ripley(D5B)that
really got me there! The Red,Green
wires were OK from Terminals 1,2. but
for the BLUE on Terminal 3 was THE
BLACK wire.
Then to Terminal 4 was the blue wire
and the ground to Term 5.
The sixth terminal in the middle was
the yellow wire giving the Monitor a
5v feed which brighten up the screen.
Once more many thanks for all your
help.I feel that I can always call and
someone will help that's very
encouraging.
To: 999 (all members)
From: ANON E MOUSE
Subject: POEM
A-HOLE IN THE OZONE
THERE IS A HOLE IN THE OZONE AS BIG AS
A FIELD
CAUSED WE ARE TOLD BY OUR VEHICLES
WHEELED
WITH AEROSOLS AND METHANE DOING THEIR
PART
BUT WHAT OF THE DAMAGE CAUSED BY A
FART
WE ALL CONTRIBUTE TO THE DAMAGE THAT'S
DONE
BY THE METHANE THAT ESCAPES FROM A BUM
DON'T CAST THIS OFF WITHOUT
CONSIDERATION
THINK OF THE TOTAL FARTS FROM ONE
NATION
SO THE NEXT TIME YOU'RE TOLD IT'S
CAUSED BY THE CAR
YOU MIGHT LIKE TO THINK WHAT
ALTERNATIVES THERE ARE
THE GOVERNMENT BLAMED FOSSIL FUELS FROM
THE START
BUT ONLY BECAUSE THEY CAN'T TAX A FART
THE CAR NO-DOUBT IS PLAYING IT'S PART
BUT THE REAL GLOBAL BUILD UP IS CAUSED
BY THE FART
SO DON'T BLINDLY BLAME THE CAR AS IT
PASSES
THE PROBLEM YOU SEE IS A WORLD FULL OF
FARTES
SO THE NEXT TIME YOU GO FOR A MEAL AT
THE PUB
THINK *GREEN* WHEN YOU ORDER YOUR
PLATE FULL OF GRUB
SPARE A THOUGHT FOR THE PLANET BEFORE
MAKING A START
FOR YOU COULD CAUSE THE END WITH ONE
FINAL FART
To: 999 (all members)
From: 4WL (MARTIN WILSON)
Subject: Idea!
I was thinking that it might be an
idea to do some sort of survey of
what actual hardware people are using
with their Beebs or even Archimedes
and PCs. Not the actual computer
itself but what they think of their
printer, modem or monitor/tv. Along
the lines of:
Model: KXP1123
Manufacturer: Panasonic
spec: 24pin dot matrix printer with
single sheet and tractor feed
connection: parallel
port: standard 36way centronics
whats it like: stylish, well built and
fully electronic font, size, spacing
settings etc.
good points: cheap to run
bad points: noisy and would like auto
sheet feeder
dip switch settings: uses front panel
to select and stores in backed up
memory.
pinouts: normal centronics
cost: £150 approx
summary: Excellent but not upto date
technology.
where you bought it: Watford
sundrys: ribbons still widely and
cheaply available.
The idea being that if we come across
such an item for sale we will know
whats it like for reference. Someone
with a Sony tv can say what its like
with a computer etc. Any takers?
To: 999 (all members)
From: 4WL (MARTIN WILSON)
Subject: Curious
Has anyone ever written a mouse driver
program to work with the Beebs serial
port so that PC serial mice can be
used?
To: 999 (all members)
From: 4WL (MARTIN WILSON)
Subject: Doom on the Jaguar
I bought a cheap Jaguar. Jaguars are
being sold very cheap now at about
`100 new so secondhand models with
games are even cheaper. I bought mine
with 2 controllers, scart cable and
four games(Doom, Cybermorph, Tempest
2000, Aliens Vs Predator) for £65.
Anyway if you want to play Doom a
Jaguar probably comes cheaper than a
Super Nintendo and Doom.
A quick spec for those who don't know:
The Jaguar has two 64bit graphics
chips, 2 32bit chips and a 16bit 68000
as a general control chip for input,
sound control. It also has 16bit sound
and 2meg memory.
Doom has been the biggest software hit
since Elite. It's an American program
that started out as shareware for the
PC but is now available for: Mac, 32x,
Playstation, 3DO, Super Nintendo,
Jaguar and will also be released for
the Ultra 64 later this year with the
launch of said console.
It's a 3D game with you immersed into a
virtual world so to speak. Ok it's not
virtual reality as such but you get
the impression that your'e in a world
that does exist. Your'e basically in
what seems to be a world made up of
factories, chemical plants and
military bases that have been taken
over by the forces of hell.
The Jaguar version is excellent with
great sound, full speed and great
detail. However the game has been
trimmed in places to conserve space on
the cartridge. This trimming makes no
real difference to gameplay.
Anyway if you want to play a great
version of Doom cheaply then a Jag's
worth considering.
Remember it's a gory, violent and at
times almost frightening game
originally meant for adults with PCs
it's now available for consoles aimed
squarely at children.
It has been surpassed in violence by
later games. There's a doom clone on
PCs where you rip off arms and use
them to bludgeon your opponent to
death. If games are at this stage now
I dread to think what they'll be like
in twenty years. I mean how far can
violence go.
To: 999 (all members)
From: 15A (Steven Flintham)
Subject: Micromart article
It's possible some other members will
have sent in messages about this
article, but in case they haven't I
will mention it.
The following appeared in an article
in Micromart issue 368, 14th December
1995, page 124:
"The BBC range hold their prices well,
are extremely resistant to break down
and consider yourself lucky if you can
buy a basic machine for anything less
than `100. Prime examples with floppy
disk interfaces and additional
processors could easily cost `400 or
more."
I am a big fan of the BBC series, but
I can't believe a BBC system is worth
anywhere near that much and adverts in
8BS and other places would seem to
support this.
I can't help feeling this sort of
thing just encourages people to try to
sell their old hardware off at totally
ridiculous prices. Although there are
some bargains to be had, there are
quite a few advertisements in most
issues of Micromart which feature
astoundingly high prices.
PRESS SPACE