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Rock and Mineral Test Are you a rockhound or rockhead? Test your knowledge of mineral and rock names by putting one of the names listed below into each blank. 1. The geologist played poker, but wound up losing his ___________. 2. The bar where mineralogists break the Ten Commandments is called the ____________ . 3. If we ____________ rocks, we'll all lose our teeth. 4. There are four ____________ to the gallon. 5. "What shall we give Mike?" "Let's give ____________ new mineral for his collection!" 6. Fracture of the ____________ column usually results in paralysis. 7. All of the talkative geology students were put in one row, soon christened the "____________". 8. When Fred Zir was swindled of his jewels, it was called the Great ____________. 9. You sent her flowers? What a ____________ thing to do. 10. If I don't get this ____________, when someone walks in he'll fall through to the basement. 11. The mineral that is the very symbol of hunger. ____________ 12. The con man tried to ____________ mineralogists with a fake ruby, but he got caught. 13. At the circus, a clown threw a fake rock at another and got a ____________ in his face. 14. Put Nick's book ____________ shelf where it belongs. 15. A baseball player's favourite gem. ____________ 16. If a rube is a type of hick, does it follow that hickies are ____________? 17. Says one hip geologist to another, "Hey, that's really __________ man." 18. How to insult a geologist: look into his ear and say "I ____________!" 19. If you drop a rock on your foot while in polite company, you should say "____________ all!" 20. Of all things, we must never take rocks for ____________. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Albite f) Diamond k) Gneiss p) Quartz b) Apatite g) Fluorite l) Gypsum q) Rubies c) Chert h) Gabbro m) Mica r) Scheelite d) Cinnabar i) Garnet n) Onyx s) Spinel e) Coal j) Granite o) Pyrite t) Zircon By Harold Reynolds April 11, 1989 -16- Return to Index Meteorology Test Test your knowledge of the weather processes by filling each blank with one of the terms listed below. 1. Which of my deer pictures has he ripped? Oh, no! He's ____________! 2. "Hello!" ____________ the weatherman. (Previously he had been raining.) 3. "He really believes his theories on severe thunderstorms." "Yes, he is a man of strong ____________." 4. Meteorologist on Broadway: "There's ____________ business like show business..." 5. Given a choice, a weatherman always enters by the ____________ door. 6. "To ____________ is human, to forgive, divine." 7. Past participle of "to clow". ____________ 8. I've been debating ____________ or not to be a meteorologist. 9. The study of the properties of light in an evil medium is called ____________. 10. It is sometimes difficult to ____________ with the difficulties of cold rain formation. 11. When the Queen served tea, it was observed that she not only ____________, but she pours. 12. Knowledge of thunderstorm mechanics can often be en-____________. 13. I hate water condensation problems! I never know what to _______. 14. When Cy had a duplicate made of himself, it was called the ____________. 15. The weatherman puttered in his garden, using his ____________ to dig out the weeds. 16. Exhortation used to promote speed from Cain. ____________ 17. The ____________ in this restaurant is terrible. 18. A large vehicle suitable for carrying nims. ____________ 19. Fred was warned about how slippery it was. When he fell, he said "____________ what you mean!" 20. The most common name of women from the Windy City. ____________ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Air f) Dew k) Hurricane p) Snow b) Cirrus g) Front l) Icy q) Synoptics c) Cloud h) Gale m) Lightning r) Tornado d) Convections i) Graupel n) Nimbus s) Trowal e) Cyclone j) Hailed o) Rains t) Weather By Harold Reynolds October 28, 1989 -17- Return to Index Geography Test 6 Test your knowledge of Geography one more time by putting one of the words listed below into each blank. 1. A Geography cliche: ____________ loves company. 2. "Your Citroen will be ready next week." "No, that is ____________ to wait!" 3. A ____________ girl may often become husband and wife. 4. S & M Geography style: Don't tie two knots, just ____________. 5. It is generally not a good idea to ____________ boat until the engine is turned off. 6. Mr Zippy is married to ____________. 7. A French girl can be a ____________, but never a nephew. 8. When finished a lecture, Professor Lund says "____________." 9. It is difficult to keep a-____________ of all the new developments in Geography. 10. "Your friend 'Indo' is trouble! ____________ right away!" 11. To oceanographers, things are never bad, they're ___________-mal. 12. In a hurricane, the ____________ very strong. 13. "Do you like coffee?" "Yes, but I ____________." 14. The ____________ is half-way between the North and South Poles. 15. Do you prefer drinking from ____________ or from bottles? 16. I have ____________ Africa for quite a while. 17. I do not want to be a ____________ pig for your experiments. 18. Bum in Africa: "Hey buddy, ____________ spare some change?" 19. The water ____________ broke and flooded the street. 20. A port city will always be found where there is ____________. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Abyss f) Cannes k) Indonesia p) Missouri b) Ankara g) Ecuador l) Kenya q) Nice c) Ann Arbor h) Guinea m) London r) Taiwan d) Benin i) Guyana n) Maine s) Toulon e) Brest j) Haiti o) Mississippi t) Windsor By Harold Reynolds November 5, 1989 -18- Return to Index Geography Test 7 Test your knowledge of Geography one more time by putting one of the words listed below into each blank. 1. Go on, take the Geography of France course. What have you got ____________? 2. This city has the best milk, cheese and butter. ____________ 3. "That map of Belgium belongs to Russel?" "Yes, it's ____________ map." 4. A good city to buy gerbils, mice and guinea pigs is ____________. 5. When the geographer looked at the grass in his yard, he exclaimed "I ____________!" 6. I don't want to ____________, but your essay is due tomorrow. 7. Bovine sculpture made from entirely from moss. ____________ 8. How to greet Nan in China. "____________!" 9. Here, everything comes out in the wash. ____________ 10. I have been studying Geography ____________ my life. 11. The place from which long journeys start. ____________ 12. This river is known for its variety of insects. ____________ 13. McDonald's gets its McBurgers from ____________. 14. The Geography students were asked to shut up, but they continued to ____________. 15. A city that was left in shambles. ____________ 16. "I play ____________, not dangerous sports like badminton." 17. "My big toe fell off and now it's lost! Where did my __________?" 18. As concrete dries, it ____________. 19. Reading an illegal book can lead to the so-called "____________" by the Thought Police. 20. Ellen: "How can I ask Gary out for a date?" Helen: "Just pick up the phone and ____________." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Amsterdam f) Bug k) Formosa p) Rouen b) Ardennes g) Calgary l) Gabon q) Russia c) Bath h) Ceylon m) Hainan r) Tennessee d) Brussels i) Derry n) Macau s) Togo e) Bucharest j) Fargo o) Moscow t) Toulouse By Harold Reynolds December 1, 1989 -19- Return to Index Physics Test Test your knowledge of Physics by putting one of the words listed below into each blank. 1. That which replaced the old ton. ____________ 2. "Is it very serious?" "Yes, it is a matter of the utmost ____________." 3. All ____________ and no play makes physicists a dull lot. 4. "The particle physicist jumped on the bandwagon?" "No, he ____________ it." 5. Someone in favour of 2000-pound weights is ____________. 6. "She has an average of 98% in all her Physics courses." "Yes, she has great ____________." 7. The best way to evaporate water is to ____________ it. 8. A ____________ is one step greater than a threece. 9. "Mr. Tate must be taken across this lake by this boat." "You mean I have to ____________ across?" 10. Billy was sent home from Physics class with ____________ ache. 11. "I'll help you with quantum field theory if ____________ help me with thermodynamics." 12. If you add electrons to a neutral atom, you'll get ____________. 13. The physicist's favourite Christmas carol is "The Twelve Days of Christmas" because of the partridge in ____________ tree. 14. "Would you like to have dinner with us?" "Yes, I'd be happy to ____________ with you." 15. Researching a family tree is studying ____________. 16. This piece of wood is not a board, it is a ____________. 17. ____________ we need is more power. 18. A cowboy turned physicist likes to sing "____________ on the Range." 19. A brassiere that measures light intensity is a ____________-bra. 20. After Mr. Kitt had been knighted, he was called ____________. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Ampere f) Circuit k) Lepton p) Proton b) Anion g) Dyne l) Newton q) Quark c) Atomic h) Force m) Ohm r) Relativity d) Boyle i) Gravity n) Planck s) Rotate e) Candela j) Joule o) Potential t) Watt By Harold Reynolds December 13, 1989 -20- Return to Index Geography Test 8 Oh, no! Not another one! As usual, fill each blank with a word from the list below. 1. Archaic expression: "Going to ____________ hand-cart." 2. Don't ____________ what the capital of Alaska is? 3. I haven't ____________ to Mr. Washington for years. 4. From a Geography song: "...I've come from Alabama with my ____________ on my knee." 5. A nemesis of Bugs Bunny was ____________ Fudd, the hunter. 6. Where to go in Africa to see "Tom and Jerry". ____________ 7. If Macbeth had been in Spain, his final challenge would have been: "____________ Macduff! ..." 8. If a yucca plant turns brown in the sun, the result could be called a ____________. 9. The "Greek Cement Swindle" soon became known as the "con- ____________". 10. The 2000-pound weight belonging to Hugh was called ____________. 11. One goes here to change direction. ____________ 12. What the Geographer said when he woke up bald. "____________!" 13. The Spanish ____________ war was an unpleasant affair. 14. The situation went from badda to ____________. 15. ____________ you going to finish this Geography test? 16. I want to drive ____________ to work today. 17. "Libby wants a book." "Okay, give ____________ Geography text." 18. A person using an exit is an ____________. 19. "Do you need assistance?" "Yes, I need ____________ to climb this mountain." 20. "One ____________ two peruse" is the motto of a South American book club. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Alp f) Dakar k) Khartoum p) Spokane b) Aragon g) Exeter l) Leon q) Turin c) Aylmer h) Helena m) Libya r) Vienna d) Banjul i) Houston n) Peru s) Warsaw e) Crete j) Juneau o) Seville t) Yucatan By Harold Reynolds January 5, 1990 -21- Return to Index Geography Test 9 Here it comes again! Fill each blank with one of the words listed below. Try not to go nuts with this one! 1. The sun in Korea is not orange, it's ____________. 2. The evil Geography department head was overthrown and exiled to the Sahara. It was considered his just ____________. 3. "Are you going to Thailand?" "Yes, ____________." 4. Fred and Tim are two horses. If Fred bucks, will ____________? 5. Did you manage to ____________ your Geography homework? 6. As Bob's wife of 20 years, I think I ____________ very well. 7. All I want is a ____________ the action. 8. "Ask Dee if she's finished." "Are you ____________?" 9. "Mommy, what's an apple?" "____________ a large, red fruit." 10. This city might be a good place to find meats and cold cuts. ____________ 11. I studied really hard for this test and I know I'm ____________ get a good mark. 12. I hate surprise Geography tests. They just ____________ out of nowhere. 13. When selecting Charles and Nick, the prof said, "You, Charles and ____________." 14. In shop class we learned how to ____________ metal together. 15. Is Alabama the place to be if you're young and upwardly ____________? 16. "____________ Like it Hot" is a classic movie starring Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis and Marilyn Monroe. 17. ____________ think that punsters are crazy, but we're not! 18. "How can you tell that this ark is a clock?" "I can hear the ____________." 19. One can have many a close shave while white-water rafting in the ____________ river. 20. A Cole Porter favourite of geographers is "____________ in the Dark". ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Annapolis f) Desert k) Mobile p) Somme b) Apia g) Dundee l) Munich q) Timbuctoo c) Arctic h) Finnish m) Nome r) Veldt d) Danzig i) Fraser n) Pisa s) Yalu e) Delhi j) Ghana o) Siam t) Yuma By Harold Reynolds January 8, 1990 -22- Return to Index Geography Test 10 Just when you thought it was safe to open the atlas... As usual, fill in each blank with a word from the list below. 1. The most important leg joints of orcs are ____________. 2. Sikh men are required by their religion to wear a ____________ on their heads. 3. If someone hits me after I tell a Geography joke, I would call it a ____________. 4. I wonder why some dogs like to ____________ letter carriers. 5. A professional cook could be called a ____________. 6. A piece of gravel is a ____________. 7. ____________ someone's test is considered cheating. 8. When a river is in flood, it has a ____________. 9. What do you call 2000 pounds of beavers? A ____________. 10. "I have a tape of Owen and myself singing. I sound great." "Yes, but how does ____________?" 11. The preferred perfume of oceanographers is ____________ No. 5. 12. ____________ kids are d-doing well in speech c-class. 13. A task is repetitive if you have to do it over ____________. 14. "Mr. Dell does not know of that either." "Is ____________ of anything anymore?" 15. One way to find out the news is by ____________ the newspaper. 16. "Bill wants the report now!" "OK, I'll get it to ____________." 17. I've been marking students too lightly. I have to ____________ harder. 18. My Geography prof ____________ a double life. 19. Let us make peace, ____________ the hatchet and get on with life. 20. Any wager made that a game will be a draw is a ____________. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Andover f) Channel k) Little Rock p) Reading b) Barrie g) Delaware l) Markham q) Swift Current c) Beaverton h) Durban m) Orkneys r) Tibet d) Belfast i) Kitchener n) Owen Sound s) Topeka e) Bight j) Leeds o) Punjab t) York By Harold Reynolds January 18, 1990 -23- Return to Index Computer Test Are you a true hacker, or just a computer user? Find out by filling each blank with one of the words listed below. 1. A person who stacks columns is a ____________. 2. A person in favour of metric weights is ____________. 3. "@#*&^!!?{! programs!" "You watch your ____________!" 4. Cancer can be a ____________ illness for hackers. 5. "Keep a close eye on those students!" "I will ____________ them carefully." 6. Men who have lost their manhood are ____________. 7. I shall ____________ the report away for future reference. 8. The computer cannibal chops his programs into ____________-size pieces. 9. When thomeone talkth like thith, he hath a ____________. 10. A swearing programmer can be called a ____________. 11. A programmer's favourite star is ____________. 12. When a programmer's work begins to bear fruit, it's usually an ___________. 13. In status, ____________ is between a peasant and a king. 14. She liked to give lurid, ____________ descriptions of events. 15. She never picks m or n for her variables, she always ____________. 16. When frightened, a common reaction of a person is to ____________. 17. For her great skill, the captain was promoted to ____________. 18. A new fad or wild fashion in programming is called a ____________. 19. Three cheers for hacking! Hip, hip ____________! 20. I hab a bad ____________ in by head. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Account f) Code k) File p) Pixel b) Algol g) Commodore l) Graphic q) Program c) Apple h) Compiler m) Language r) Screen d) Array i) Crays n) Lisp s) Terminal e) Byte j) Cursor o) Monitor t) Unix By Harold Reynolds February 7, 1990 -24- Return to Index Military Test Are you a general or a private? Test your knowledge of military affairs by filling in each blank with one of the words listed below. 1. I love you! I'm crazy about you! I ____________ the ground you walk on! 2. That bomb is not yours, it's ____________. 3. "I just talked to Judy in the hospital." "Oh? ____________ broken leg?" 4. As a ____________ rule, it's a good idea to grovel to superior officers. 5. ____________ punishment was outlawed in schools years ago. 6. Winning the battle was a ____________ accomplishment. 7. No peeking there! That's ____________! 8. Monogrammed grenades, for me? ____________ you very much! 9. Don't stone the chair, ____________! 10. A mortician is also often an em-____________. 11. Favourite military movie: "____________ with the Wind." 12. Where did Hitler keep his ____________? In his sleevies. 13. A painting of the Bey of Tunis sitting on a cashew was called "____________". 14. Pachelbel's ____________ is a famous piece of classical music. 15. Get some ____________ so we can patch the roof. 16. "That colour is NOT ultramaroon, idiot! It's ultra-____________!" 17. The fake TV show script was meant to fool people, so it was called the ____________. 18. The thief was about to ____________ through the gun cabinet when he was caught. 19. If you can't push it, you must ____________. 20. "Those Navy people sure can run fast!" "Yes, they're very ____________ of foot." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Armies f) Conscript k) Howitzer p) Private b) Bayonet g) Corporal l) Major q) Rifle c) Bomber h) Fleet m) Marine r) Rocket d) Bullet i) General n) Mine s) Tank e) Cannon j) Gun o) Mortar t) Warship By Harold Reynolds February 17, 1990 -25- Return to Index Finance and Currency Test How skilled are you at financial affairs? Find out by filling each blank with one of the words listed below. 1. "Are his financial senses getting sharper?" "No, they're getting ____________." 2. Trying to maintain a student's ____________ in business is hard. 3. "Is this coin counterfeit?" "No, it's the ____________ thing." 4. What's left over after a bank is demolished is ____________. 5. "I must be ____________ with you. Your plan will not work." 6. If you anger a Chinese Mafia boss, he's likely to "put ____________ ice." 7. I must stop and take ____________ of the situation. 8. A person eating at a restaurant is called a ____________. 9. Down with taxes! We have to ____________ much that we have nothing left for ourselves! 10. The news of the stock market crash so shocked the woman that it ____________. 11. To install a fence post, you must ____________ it into the ground. 12. A person wearing a three-piece suit is in jacket, in pants and ____________. 13. We went to Thailand for a vacation and ____________ a lot of ties. 14. ____________ my words, if you don't smarten up, you'll be sorry. 15. "It's not school that I hate, it's the ____________ of the thing." 16. "Bad, bad, ____________ Brown, baddest man in the whole damn town..." 17. Britain's secret agent of finance is James ____________. 18. "Here's 25 cents. Now you can't say I give no ____________ in my business deals." 19. The stock broker always has a preferred ____________ he or she likes to sit in. 20. Common ____________ should be a guiding force in investment. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Baht f) Franc k) Mark p) Riyal b) Bond g) Guilder l) Peso q) Ruble c) Cents h) Interest m) Pound r) Share d) Dinar i) Invest n) Principle s) Stock e) Dollar j) Lira o) Quarter t) Yuan By Harold Reynolds February 17, 1990 -26- Return to Index Animal Test Are you a zoologist or a zoo inmate? Test your knowledge of the animal kingdom by filling in each blank with an animal named below. 1. ____________ a silly question, get a silly answer. 2. An animal which doesn't play by the rules is a ____________. 3. I'm hungry. Let's ____________ some lunch now. 4. This beast cannot tell the truth because it is a ____________. 5. All of these puns are getting hard to ____________. 6. The capital of Malaysia is ____________ Lumpur. 7. This pun book has the ___________ of approval of the International Save the Pun Foundation. 8. Pity the ex-mariner, now without any ____________ in life. 9. This stuffed animal is very ____________ to me. 10. Biologists are always hunting for the missing ____________ in the evolutionary process. 11. You really ____________ go and see the zoo sometime. 12. To ____________ someone else's test is considered cheating. 13. Bald biologists say "____________ today, gone tomorrow." 14. Did your ____________ with your uncle before they married? 15. "You've run out of buffalo steaks? Go out and ____________, then!" 16. Here, wool isn't expensive, it's ____________. 17. We ____________ of money in the stock market crash. 18. Monks unlock the monastary with a ____________. 19. Livestock hymn: "____________ Tell it on the Mountain". 20. "I'm fine, thanks. What's ____________ with you?" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Antelope f) Gnu k) Lion p) Ox b) Bear g) Goat l) Lynx q) Pika c) Bison h) Gopher m) Monkey r) Porpoise d) Cheetah i) Hare n) Ocelot s) Seal e) Deer j) Koala o) Otter t) Sheep By Harold Reynolds February 25, 1990 -27- Return to Index Chemistry Test 2 Test your knowledge of Chemistry again by filling each blank with one of the words listed below. 1. Chemistry exams at the end of the year are ____________ exams. 2. On this tree the chemists grow. ____________ 3. "I ____________ a question, but she didn't know the answer." 4. Would you buy a drink from a woman named ____________ Alcohol? 5. "I want to report Ben as a missing person." "OK, where was ____________ last?" 6. Organic chemists get ____________ with rage. 7. Some say chemistry profs are the ____________ of the earth; others say otherwise. 8. Many people wish for the day when a chemist's word was his ____________. 9. A chemistry teacher in favour of teenagers is ____________. 10. A chemist's favourite rabbit is the ____________ Bunny. 11. A person in favour of barter is ____________. 12. In spite of the bank robbery, it was ____________ as usual. 13. Studying the pH of solutions is a ____________ part of chemistry. 14. A drink to consume while rowing long after sunset. ____________ 15. A chemist will mistranslate "autobahn" as "____________". 16. A chemist can be __________ to water, but cannot be made to drink. 17. You're a doctor, and Brad is sick! Why don't you ____________? 18. When kneeling to be knighted, a man must put one ____________ the floor. 19. The correct answer is "____________", Mr. Ranger, not "Tonto". 20. A chemistry prof in favour of torture is ____________. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Antimony f) Carbon k) Helium p) Phenol b) Basic g) Chemistry l) Lead q) Propane c) Benzene h) Ester m) Lipid r) Protein d) Bismuth i) Ether n) Neon s) Silver e) Bond j) Ethyl o) Nitrogen t) Salt By Harold Reynolds April 1, 1990 -28- Return to Index Greek Letter Test How much do you know about the Greek alphabet? Find out by filling each blank with one of the words listed below. 1. ____________ time since I saw you last. 2. She ____________ lousy poker hand to me. 3. Fee ____________ fo fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman! 4. An ____________ is a person in a restaurant. 5. Greek cows make this noise. ____________ 6. These jokes don't get any ____________. 7. ____________ is one-millionth of a metre. 8. Just ____________ magic word and poof, you're a genious. 9. Why are elephants so large? Because of their great __________'s. 10. ____________ is married to Grandpa. 11. I'd like to have some apple ____________ for dessert. 12. ____________ punch you in the nose for saying that. 13. Keeners like to sit in the front ____________ of class. 14. Can you ____________ rainbow? Ithn't it pwetty? 15. "Would you like me to make a cake or cookies?" "____________ cake, please!" 16. Give da ____________ oats and it will grow up to become a sheep. 17. Gimme a ____________ coffee. 18. ____________ one and one for all! 19. Hi there! What's ____________ with you? 20. When the Greek driver's car broke down, he called a ____________ truck. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Alpha f) Gamma k) Nu p) Psi b) Beta g) Iota l) Omega q) Rho c) Delta h) Kappa m) Omicron r) Tau d) Epsilon i) Lambda n) Phi s) Theta e) Eta j) Mu o) Pi t) Zeta By Harold Reynolds April 23, 1990 -29- Return to Index Geography Test 11 Here's another Geography test for you. As usual, fill in each blank with one of the words listed below. 1. A group of mountaineers has three sets of knees, their left knees, their right knees and their ____________. 2. You're such a liar, that even if you told the truth, nobody would ____________. 3. Is that a red knife? No, it's a ____________. 4. A song to sing while being sassy. ____________ 5. A person who writes odes is an ____________. 6. There are no doorbells in ____________. 7. "Did ____________ rabbit?" "No, Sis caught two of them." 8. To ____________ is human, to forgive (especially punsters) divine. 9. Punsters like the ____________ Isles best of all. 10. "Did ____________ cake for dessert?" "No, I made a pie." 11. "I hate gaining weight!" "Don't worry. It just means there's ____________ to love." 12. Geographer counting: "... two, three, four, ____________,..." 13. Can a general become world-famous? Of ____________. 14. Where to find the best sardines. ____________ 15. "Why is Tex so grouchy?" "____________ a big headache." 16. "Oh, no! It's ____________!" "Why does Mitch keep bothering you?" 17. What happens when Victoria trips? ____________. 18. When the Egyptians spoke in unison, they spoke ____________. 19. When people go nuts about rowing, it's called ____________. 20. Pseudo-French for "the thug" is ____________. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- a) Aswan f) Jamaica k) Oder p) Saskatoon b) Ayr g) Knoxville l) Pyrenees q) Scilly c) Bolivia h) Lagoon m) Romania r) Texas d) Corsican i) Michigan n) Sardinia s) Victoria Falls e) Fife j) Moravia o) Saskatchewan t) Yellowknife By Harold Reynolds April 24, 1990